BLOND JOKES
A blond finds a fire in her house, runs next door to call the fire department. She says help help.. my house is on fire, the fireman ask how do we get there? The blond replies,The little red truck Duh !!!
Why did 18 Blondes go to watch the Movie ?
The Movie says, under 18 not allowed !!!
There was a blond that had never taken horse riding lessons, but she still got on a horse. She started along in a gentle trot. Next, the horse started galloping, the blond reached out for the horses mane trying to hold on. She started to slip off the side of the horse, she began reaching for something, anyhting.............when the Wal-mart manager came out and shut the horse off.
what does a blonde that dyed her hair brown have?-artificial intelligience
how do you drown a blonde-put a scratch and sniff sticker or a mirror at the bottom of a pool
how do you confuse a blonde-put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner
A blonde suspects that her man is cheating on her. So, she goes home during lunch one day, with her gun, to catch him. Sure enough, he's in bed with another woman. The blonde is hysterical and holds the gun to her head. Her man says, Oh baby, no, don't do this. Blonde says "SHUT UP!" "YOU'RE NEXT!!"
Three women were in a court. One was a brunnette, one was a red-head, and the last woman was a blonde. They were standing in front of the judge. All three women were being acused of a crime. A man came up to the brunnette and pointed his gun at her. He said, " Do you have any last requests?" The brunnette said, "Yes I do....TORNADO!" Then, everyone ducked and she ran out. After that, the man pointed his gun at the red-head. He asked her, " Do you have any last requests?" And the red-head said, "Yes I do....TWISTER!" Then, everyone ducked and the red-head ran out. Finally, the man pointed the gun at the blonde. She thought to herself, "Hey- I can do this!" The man asked her, "Do you have any last requests?" The blonde replied, "Yes I do....FIRE!"
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing. So early the next morning she got all her gear and headed out. When she reached her destination she cut a hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said:"there's no fish in there". So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish there. So she moves again and the voice tells her there are no fish there. So she looks up and see's a man looking down at her. "How do you know there are no fish there?" So the man cooly says "Well first of all this is a hockey rink and you're going to have to pay for those holes.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in the desertand their car breaks down. They decide to each take something useful and meet at the cactus. The brunette take an electric fan, so as to keep her cool. The redhead takes some water, so as to not get dehydrated. Then the two see the blonde walk over with the car door. They then ask, "What the hell are you doing?" So the blonde replies, "Well if it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
This blonde is leaving work, when she gets to her car, it has little dents all over it since it hailed while she was working. She takes it to the body shop. The man gives her a price, but she says it is too much. He says "Well, your cheapest option is to blow on the tailpipe and pop all the dents out." So, the blonde goes home and is in the driveway, blowing on her car's tailpipe when her roommate gets home. Her roommate, who is also blonde, watches her for a minute, then says "That'll never work if you don't roll up the windows". =D
This Blonde walks into the doctors office with red ears, The doctor askes, "Oh my gosh what happened to your ears?" The blonde said " I was ironig and the phone rang and i accidentally put the iron up to my ears!" In dis belief the doctor asked " What happened to the other ear?" The blonde said, " The damn Son of A Bitch called back again!"
What do a smart blond and Santa-Claus have in common?
They both do not exist!
Why don't blonde's go water skiing?
Because every time they get wet they want to lie on there back
Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off 3 legs, and was still stuck.
A blonde's response to "Think about it."
"I don't have to think----I'm a blonde!"
How did the blonde explain how his helicopter crashed?
He said it was getting too cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.
How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde
There was a blonde who was sick and tired of being made fun of, so she dyed her hair brown.
Then, one day she was driving down a road when she saw a shepard and his sheep. She thought the sheep were SO cute, so she got out of her car and asked if she could have one.
The shepard said "sure, if you can guess how many sheep i have, you can have one." so the girl answered, "552."
The shepard was so surprised, because she was exactly right.
She picked the one that she thought was the cutest.
Then the shepard said, "if i can guess your true hair color, can i have my dog back?"
Have you heard about the new paint color called blonde. It is cheap,flaky and spreads easy.
a blonde decides to do horse back riding w/ no experince the horse seeems to not notice her and gallops on wile she slips so she decides to try to shove herself to safty but when she tryes to jump her foot becomes tangeled in the sturipp wile her head is bouncing and she is nearly unconsis........ our hero....... the walmart maneger comes and unplugs the hores
This blonde walks into the barber shop with her headphones on and the barber says:"You have to take off your headpones" but the blonde goes " No no I can't" so will she does not notice the barber took off the headphones and she dies so the barber picks up the headphones and listens to them and they say "BREATH IN BREATH OUT,BREATH IN BREATH OUT"
2 blondes were walking in the forest and follwing some tracks.1 blonde said"No these are deer tracks" the other 1 said "No these are moose tracks" meanwhile the train hit them.
How do you know a blonde has been on a computer? There is white out on the screen.
what did the blonde say when the brunette told her she was pregnant?
are you sure its yours?
There was a blond and a brunette walking in the park. The brunette says "ohh look a dead bird", and the blond looks up and says "where?".
What do you get when you put a blond in a freezer???
a frosted flake
Why did the blond jump off the cliff?
Because she thought that tampax had wings
One day a blond was driving down the highway and looked
over and saw another blond sitting in a boat, trying to
paddle in a wheat field. The blond gets out of the car and
screams to the other blond "Your the kind of blond that
gives blonds like me a bad name. If i had a boat,
i would paddle out there and slap you !"
One day there was a brunette walking down the street, with one foot in the gutter and one on the curb, counting...21, 21, 21, 21. A Blonde saw this from across the street and walked over to ask the brunette what she was doing. The brunette replied "counting". The blonde said that looked like fun and asked if she could try. The brunette agreed and the blonde took her place, with one foot in the gutter and the other on the curb, and started counting...21, 21. At that time a cross town bus drove by and hit the blonde. The brunette took her place back on the curb and gutter and started to count again....22, 22, 22, 22
Three girls are walking down the beach there is a blonde a redhead and a brunette.Suddenly the redhead and the brunette stop to look at something on the ground, the blond dosn't notice and walks on. The redhead and the Brunette catch up with her and say, " Did you see the dead seagull and the blond looks up in the sky and says "where?Where?"
What happend when the blonde opened the box of cherieos?
She said ohh dounut seeds.
Why was the blonde stareing at the orange juice box?
It said concentrate!
Why can't blondes dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone.
A blonde was at a pop machine standing next to a pile of un-opened pop cans. She would put in 50 cents and push a button, getting the pop and adding it to the pile. She was at it for about 10 minutes when a guy came behind her to wait in line to get his pop. He waited for about 2 minutes, just staring in awe at this girl's weird activity. finally, he could not take it, he asked her,"Lady, what are you doing?"
she replied,"What the hell do you think i'm doing, i'm winning!"
A blonde was getting short on cash and it was time to pay the bills. So she went to a rich neigborhood and asked a guy if he had any odd jobs she could do. He said she could paint the porch. She aggreed and he said how much do you want? she said $50.The guy said that was great and the paint was in the driveway. The guy went into his house and told his wife that she did it for 50. dollars. The wife said honey are you sure she knew the porch went around the house? He said i guess so. About 45 minutes later the blonde came in and said she was finished. the guy was amazed at her speed and he started to dig through his wallet when she said i even had enough for 2 coats. the guy was dumbfounded and as he was about to hand her the money she said "oh yea its not a PORCH its a Porsha!"
This red head is standing on the side of the road yelling 71 71. This blonde comes up up and say's that looks like fun can I try?. The red head said sure just stand in the middle of the road and say 71 71, she does and this big semi truck comes and kills her. The red head yelled 72 72!
Why are blonde jokes mean?????
Because blondes don't understand them.
A Santa Claus, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walkin' down the street. It's a windy day. A dollar bill happens to blown in their path. Who picks it up?
The dumb blonde picks it up. Because everyone knows that the smart blonde and the Santa Claus don't exist.
why did the blonde fail her drivers test?
everytime the car would stop she would jump in the back seat.
There was a blonde a red head and a brunet.They were driving down the road when the car stoped.They were in a hot steamy desert and they each chose one thing of the car to have.The brunet said she wanted the gas so if she got hot she could drink it.The red head said she wanted the water from the radiator, and the blonde wanted the car door so if it got hot she could roll down the window.
What do you call 4 blondes, in 4 cars at a four way stop?
An Eternity
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run she's got the grenade in her mouth
A blond, a brunette, and a brown haired lady walked into a magicians shop. The magician said, "I will grant you each one wish," So the brown haired lady said, "I want to be 40 percent smarter," Her wish was granted. The brunette said, "I want to be 50 percent smarter," Her wish was granted. The blond said, "I want to be 40 percent dumber," The magician said, "You sure?" She said, "Yeah," So the magicians made her a man!
A truck driver was tootleing down the highway one afternoon and heard a "pop." Thinking that perhaps he had blown a tire, he steered the rig onto the shoulder and walked back to check his tires. He found a bottle laying in the gutter. He picked it up and wiped off the label to see what kind of bottle it was when a very old genie popped out. The genie said, "Man, I'm too old for this! You get one wish--not three--just one." The driver thought long and hard, and finally said, "It would be really nice for all the bridges to be wide enough that over-sized loads could get through without any trouble." The genie said, "Do you know how many bridges that would be?! Can't you come up with something simpler?" The driver replied, "How about if you make all the blondes as smart as brunettes?" The genie shook his head vigorously and answered, "How wide would you like those bridges?"
